The sanctuary of the library
Ever since I was a little girl one of the few places I felt save at was the library. I loved the library because it was quiet and provide me with comfort through the solace of books. It was one of the few places I could be myself and not feel judged. You have to understand my family life was not a quiet one, I heard way too many arguments, and traumatic events happen in and outside of the house. Also, I was a latchkey constantly going back and forth between my mom and dad's house, so I never felt like I had a place that I could completely hang my hat and call it home.
I would I say I found this with my “friends” in my teenage years but they were more a life boat than a sanctuary and I realize know how nuerodivergent as fuck we all were. The fact that I have not talked to a majority of them in a long time just makes me mad. Let's just say that Taylor swiftest song “bad blood” sums it up pretty well. I still have my partner and my best guy friend, but in the words of Sheldon “it's nor the same”. Their is a chance this group was semi co dependent since we all subjects we were really into and were all just trying to find our way through the teenage madness referred to as highschool.
Libraries are consistent they never change, you have the freedom to read and explore and it puts some things in better perspective than most talk therapists can for me. I know this entity won't be emotional un available like my father, or temperamental like those from my high school past. I can't talk too much because lately I feel like I am in the let's burn somethings down in my personal life and rebuild from scratch as I try to read self help books and get myself to a therapy geared toward autistic, adhd, ptsd, cptsd person that is me. (Self diagnosis is valid) I have cut out most social media except for this, insta, and reddit and I feel less anxious than I have felt in months. Now Iif I could get a trip to my nearest national park I will feel as relaxed as I do at a library.
I don't think this is just me there is an inspirational man on Instagram called Mychal, and if my second act is as a librarian I want to be like this dude. He represents the safe space of this library with positivity, empathy, and honesty. I call him laver Burton 2.0 which is appropriate since he has a pbs social studies show that I am sure will be on air in the future. Also, was going through his posts and he notes that the library makes you feel seen and heard. I did not feel seen or heard tell my mid thirties when I realized I got more of a positive emotional support system from there compared to people I had known for a while. On that note for all of my fellow readers please go to the library or check out ebooks on libby all of us weird, socially anxious misfits need to be hear and seen. (This has been my ted talk)
p.s. if hell freezes over and I ever get married my top places for the ceremony are a library or the park
Xoxo, the multifaceted nerd